Why "networking" is the worst.
Brief conversations without an agenda are the best. Or at least, not the worst.
The cardinal rule for getting ahead is: It’s all about who you know.
Success comes from the people you surround yourself with (Harvard Business Review). That your next job is most likely to come from your network (Scientific American). And that being liked is a better indicator of promotions than your work quality (The American Psychological Association, as reported by CNBC).
Heard these before, ad nauseam? Been there. I was nauseated1 for most of my final year of university. My professors shared these statistics often as they sought to prepare us for the working world, but I kept thinking:
“What if you’re moving to a city where you don’t have any professional connections, and you’re coming from a university that most of them won’t know (and possibly won’t respect), to be working in an entry-level internship, without the funds to constantly go to happy hours nor the free time to network? And how DO you network, especially if you don’t have any special access to offer?”
I didn’t get an answer (too afraid to ask). I packed up, moved to Washington D.C., and experienced this networking in real time and really quickly.
The first question you’re asked in D.C. is:
“What do you do / who do you work for?”
If any city exemplifies the most efficient version of “the rule of weak ties,” it’s this one.
The more people you know, the more you can connect, and be connected. Which means, in a crisis, you can get ahold of a human being instead of your inquiry getting lost in a senator’s inbox.
The fears I had about networking melted away - because it turns out everyone is networking, all of the time. Happy hour? Yes. The office? Yes. Your office elevator? Yes. In line at Sweetgreen? Definitely yes.
After a quick exchange of information, a general “sizing up” to see how this person can be helpful to you or you to them, the networking was over. Effective and efficient.
However.
I didn’t, and still don’t, have that much to say to this wide net of connections. Because we never really met, though our work personas did.
But when the networking machine was off, there are people I did meet. Like the agency VP turned EVP - a bona fide PR expert but also a Tottenham fan (a fact I like even more now because I married one). Or the partner at a top white-shoe law firm - a genuinely good human and good lawyer - who collects chess boards. Or the effortlessly cool journalist who (thankfully) not only gave me a lot of grace during a tough day, but she also shared stellar recommendations for hotdogs and cocktails in Reykjavík.
Brief conversations without an agenda are the solution to bad networking.
In other words: You meet people, you have human conversations with them, and you don’t ask for anything.
The ultimate end goal of networking is create a group of people that can help you get a job, or a client, or lend a hand. It’s much easier to make that ask if you’ve tried to know them as people. At best, you get the network you’ve always wanted. At worst, you have more good conversations with fellow humans which is better than bad conversations.
We’re all just humans - humans with jobs, yes, but also humans with pets, families, hobbies, and lives that exist outside our inboxes, and I venture that we would generally prefer human conversations over pointless connections.
With this in mind, I’m excited to share a guest essay in today’s newsletter that is all about conversation and people. It’s written by an incredible human, Sean Wood (add him on LinkedIn).
I met Sean in my first-ever PR internship. Just shy of 21 years old, my fellow interns and I knew approximately *nothing* about PR, nor how the workplace worked. Thankfully, we had Sean.
In between the journalism 101s, AP style checks, and breakfast taco recommendations, he showed all of us new-to-work-humans what a nice (yet effective, productive, and kick-ass) workplace could be. He’s a gem, and so is his reminder that the small things are worth doing.
xRachel
PS. If you liked this, you might also like our earlier edition on how to email like a human.
Fight the temptation to disengage
By Sean Wood
I’m turning into a “work hermit.”
Six-and-a-half years ago my former employer laid me off. It was the first time I wasn’t working for someone. After the initial shock I decided to hang my own writing/editing/PR consulting shingle. It’s been the greatest decision of my life.
I have a client whom I visit once a week, but otherwise, I work from my house. It’s just me and my dogs. Unfortunately, I’ve gotten very comfortable with myself.
I got a little stir crazy in the early days. I missed working around colleagues. It was always fun to bounce ideas off them. So, I looked into renting a coworking space, just so I’m not alone. I had another client who would let me come to her office to work so I could get out of the house.
Now, it seems completely unimportant.
Keep in mind, I started all this before the pandemic. So, being cut off from everyone in 2020 and 2021 seemed like no big deal. However, last week I realized how detached I have become.
Bumped into Someone
One of my retainer clients was holding an open house for a new commercial and residential building they were opening. It was very swanky. While I was there, I ran into a former client and generally fun person. We’ll call her Viv.
She hugged me and said, “I’m still around. You could pick up the phone and we could go to lunch or grab a cup of coffee.”
At that moment I thought it would be more appealing to get some teeth filled.
Going to lunch or breakfast with a source was a big deal when I was a reporter. I was generating story ideas, developing relationships, and charging it all back to my employer. It should be no different now.
Going out with Viv for a bite might yield some work, or an invitation to something that could lead to new business. My problem with it — at least this is what I tell myself — is that I can’t bill my time when I’m just going to lunch. That’s why I don’t do any professional development, belong to a professional organization, or attend luncheons. Who am I going to bill for that? It’s time I could work and charge to a client.
Don’t Get Comfortable
Going to work for myself was the scariest thing I have ever done. Now I’m comfortable with that role. Maybe too comfortable.
I never would have imagined that going out to lunch or coffee with someone would land outside my comfort zone. I also never would have imagined working for myself. So far, so good on the latter.
We never know how something will turn out without making ourselves uncomfortable from time to time. So, I’m going to reach out to Viv after I finish writing this and then let you know how things turn out.
It’s a small thing. But small things can be hard when you get too comfortable.
One of those AP Style things Sean helped teach us newbies. If you’re feeling sick, you’re nauseated. The word “nauseous” should apply to the “thing” making you feel that way. Bad networking is nauseous. Too much of it will make you feel nauseated. You’re welcome!