When and why it's ok to ghost people at work 👻
This month's Nice Work advice column is all about those *super awkward* situations & conversations
Here we are - the best part of the month! It’s the Nice Work advice column on all things colleagues & work dynamics. Which means, yes, you can expect hot takes like:
Yes, you should walk away from that weird conversation in the break room because no one has time to hear about that grisly injury (unless you want to? I guess?)
No, you definitely don’t have to share what you got up to this weekend - unless you want to, of course, and you’re pretty sure THEY want to hear it.
And most of all: You're allowed to be a human with a life-life, not just a work-life. It’s ok if you only want to be in this escape room for 40 hours a week - and live it up the rest of time with stories that don’t make it to the Monday morning meeting.
To summarise, though, before we jump into all of the specifics: You owe your colleagues your working self. And that working self both owes, and is owed, the same respect from others. 🙏
PS. We normally tackle a good handful of questions in the Nice Work advice column, but we got a lot of great Q&A thrown our way this month! Enjoy the expanded advice column & paid subscribers, keep an eye out for a bonus edition this week ✨
Nice Work Advice Column
I am facing a situation where the work division in my department doesn’t seem fair. Some colleagues have a much heavier workload than others. How can I address this issue without causing any resentment?
In the edition of what we owe our colleagues, we talked about teamwork and reasonable timelines. At work, we are working together to achieve a goal. While our colleagues (and our humans-in-charge) should keep a close eye on workloads in order to make sure the goal IS achievable, it isn’t likely that the work will be fairly distributed every time. That’s because we’re all human. As humans, we won’t make the right decisions every time - nor will we ever have all the information at hand.
Keeping both facts in mind as you bring the data to your manager is the way to avoid an issue. When you do, reiterate that you wanted to share this information for their benefit, not to judge or criticise their planning. And note that you yourself may not have the full picture. The workload might look unbalanced to you, but based on the skillsets of the team, it might be just right.
(It’s like an escape room - some people are just really, really good at the tricksy math).
Recently a colleague added me on Instagram, but I prefer to keep my work and personal life separate. How can I handle this situation without offending my colleague?
Don’t accept the request. To avoid offending them at all, don’t accept it, and don’t bring it up. If they bring it up, they’re the ones making it awkward, not you! At that point, you will have to white-lie, or confess that you’re not comfortable sharing your account with them. They might get a bit offended, but that’s their problem. Remember, all you owe your colleagues is your ability to row in the same direction. And I venture a guess that you’ll find it much easier to do that if they aren’t observing your personal life 24/7. As a side soapbox: Social media has made our personal lives much more visible in a way that our coworkers have never seen before. Before Instagram, the only way they’d stay up to date on your life was if they made your Christmas card list.
One of my colleagues often brings personal problems to work, which affects the overall work environment. How can I navigate this situation without being insensitive?
Unfortunately, this colleague probably will think you’re insensitive if you stop listening, or if you ask them to stop talking about their personal problems. But remember our 3 rules of consent for personal information in the workplace:
Rule one: Personal lives are, by default, private. Rule two: Personal information sharing requires the enthusiastic consent of all parties. Rule three: Personal information should be shared properly.
If their personal problems are negatively affecting you, simply remove yourself from the situation. Leave the lunch table. If they think you’re being insensitive for doing so, well, just remember they are being insensitive, too.
If you can’t remove yourself from their whirlpool of negativity, ask for help. Tell your manager, or HR, especially if you think their lack of boundaries are affecting the health, wellness or abilities of your colleagues. No one’s job description includes handling personal baggage of this degree (unless you’re a therapist, in which case, it is literally your job, and you are paid to do so. But to take the metaphor further, the person having an issue should be a client, not a fellow therapist - so even then, it isn’t ok).
I am considering changing my working location, but I don't want to offend my current officemate. How can I approach this situation delicately?
Kindness is directness. Directness is not, however, total honesty. If you don’t like the way they sing songs under their breath when they focus, or how they eat lunch at their desk, or anything else about the way they’ve found to be their best working self - leave them be. Just say you found a better setup and that you’ll always ask to come back if it doesn’t work out. And remember, it’s where you sit for 40 hours a week with a colleague who is similarly paid to be there. They’ll live - and may even like the space. 🧐
A team member, who is not my boss or supervisor, has been assigning me tasks. I am concerned that this may lead to conflict. How should I handle this?
Tell your manager, boss, or supervisor. This is the most direct route to avoid conflict. You’ve identified the problem, now help to solve it. Because if someone is assigning you tasks that is not your boss or supervisor, it is not automatically true that your boss or supervisor will notice or know. Your performance is evaluated against your ability to do your job, after all. You owe your colleagues your ability row in the same direction - it’s hard to do that if your arms are full with other people’s work.
But maybe you’ve tried this, and it hasn’t worked - or you feel like you’ll be punished even further by saying something. Here’s what we said in our edition on what our colleagues owe us at work:
“If the game of our workplace is one where the rules change often, where bad behavior isn’t corrected, where gossip, betrayal, secret alliances or other strategies pay off, then our problem isn’t with our colleague. Our problem is with our workplace.”
If you’ve gone through the appropriate routes to remedy the issue, if you’ve asked for help, if it’s leading to conflict despite your preparations & balanced approach - the problem isn’t you. Keep records of what you were asked and when you raised it to other people. I hope you won’t need it, but you never know. In the meantime, start thinking about what your Plan B is for finding a nicer workplace.
✨ And now, our paid subscriber section!
Yes, paid subscribers to Nice Work get extra Q&A every month, plus other perks like downloads & guides. We’d love to have you - just subscribe below!
Lately, I've noticed that I am the only one working efficiently in my team because my colleagues are constantly chatting with each other. How should I address this situation without coming off as rude or bossy?
and
Is it beneficial to socialize with colleagues outside of work, and if so, how frequently should I do it?
First one first!
No matter how nicely you bring it up, your colleagues might still think you’re rude or bossy. 🤷🏻♀️
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