"Look presentable"
Have you ever tried mirror gazing? Have you ever heard of it? The concept was first introduced to me a few years ago in my yoga training - our cohort wisely handed the homework of engaging in the technique for about a 20-minute span of time and reporting back on our experience.
Here’s the lowdown on what and how:
Find a mirror (any mirror), though one larger than the size of a paperback book that can stand on its own is best. The mirrors in your bathroom or hung over your closet door are perfect. The technique is just what it sounds like. You’ll step in front of your chosen mirror, look into your own eyes (stunning by the way) and hold the gaze for as long a time as what feels appropriate. In this technique, appropriate means enough time to climb the hill of discomfort about staring at yourself, stay still through the “nothing’s happening” phase, and glide into the self-made psychedelics of Who am I? What even is “I”?
If you’re like, what in the world, let me explain both why we do it, and why I’m bringing it up in this week’s topic on physical appearance in the workplace. And we’re off!
You are so much more than what you or someone else sees.
You know this already, of course. In the practice of mirror gazing, we get a glimpse of who we are beyond what we look like. It’s a powerful chance for us to remember that our external “sack of stardust” as my teacher (hi Bethany!) calls it, the skin and bones and features of our faces and bodies are but a way to play on planet Earth - all the rich, juicy inside stuff, like our emotions, logic, creativity, and unique vision are what brings the real magic to life, including the value we bring to work.
Lemme bless you with this list real quick, because I’m in a fiery, needing-to-make-a-point mood (is it still Aries season?)
Things that never make your physical appearance inappropriate for work:
Your natural hair texture
The shape of your body (even in clothing that forms to your shape)
The color of your skin
Your choice to wear or not wear makeup
Your choice to wear the same thing every day
Your choice to wear clothing representative of your gender/genderless expression
Whether or not your nails are polished, designed or extended
*This isn’t an exhaustive list - tell us what you would add in the comments!
Rules are rules, if you choose.
The above list, in my opinion, is non-negotiable, but aside from it, there are about a million different dress codes and appearance rules put in place for both safety and a level of professionalism chased after by any given company. It’s all pretty relative to the team and field of work you engage with. For example, if you work with food, machinery, or in a farming environment, you’ll likely have some rules about hairnets, steel-toe boots, gloves, loose-fitting clothing, or a combination of a few. There are different variations for medical staff, fitness instructors, influencers, the hospitality world, and the list goes on.
There’s also a growing abundance of alternative ways of working, especially if your work is on a computer, and with much of the world now in a full state of remote or hybrid work structures, we’re seeing changing trends in what appearances and dress codes are being embraced and enforced (or not) in the broad span of office culture.
There is something to “dressing the part” but it’s less about the clothing you wear making you suitable for a part and more about the confidence it might induce. Still, for some professions, dress codes are imminent and appreciated by many. If your company has one in place, it’s a great idea to review it and decide if it's something you want to, can, or absolutely can’t abide by. If the company you work for is small or new, it might not even have a dress code set in place. There’s likely an unspoken knowing around what is and isn’t appropriate, but building clarity whenever possible is great - if you feel up for it, ask your leadership to create one, and don’t be afraid to question anything that doesn’t feel quite right to you, like something that might conflict the non-negotiables list above.
The bottom line:
Though dress codes garner a certain level of regulation, they vary dramatically between work environments. In some workplaces, strolling in shirtless with your swim trunks on is a first-class ticket to HR, in others, it’s the only outfit appropriate for your work.
It’s proof that no external appearance is inherently better or worse, more desired or less appropriate (save outright offensiveness), it’s just the lay of the land inside your particular job. A fairly trivial agreement, but an agreement still, that you sign onto for the important work you do with your brains, heart, and special know-how. In the end, it’s those things that you bring to the table, not your blouse frills or lack thereof.
Do it for yourself.
Taking it back to Spring 2020. Yep, you know what was kicking off just about then. For so many of us, the first few months of the pandemic were depleting in overwhelming ways. It felt hard to function under the weight of the world and everything became an existential question or crisis. For a few weeks during this time, maybe a month or more, I fell into a total lack of care for myself. I hardly had the energy to form complete thoughts, among disastrous, heartbreaking headlines and the fear of a sick and dwindling human race, let alone wash my face or peel out of my pajamas each morning. I showered less, moved less, ate like crap, and found temporary joy in hitting “buy” on another matching sweat set. I share this vulnerably, but I also share it knowing in my bones I wasn’t the only one.
Back then, I was still working full-time in marketing within the beauty industry, my company forced totally virtual in a day’s time, with little experience in handling such a collective state of survival and grief. So, as our company began to suffer financially, layoffs came, and the few of us who remained took on the roles of three people each for less pay. The pressure was just off the charts.
On one fateful group Zoom meeting, a member of our leadership made a blanket statement to our sweat-set-embracing team that said in so many words, stop wearing a sweatshirt to virtual meetings. In our own homes, in the wild west of the world, with our bodies appropriately covered, we were being scolded for finding comfort in one small way we knew how. We all reacted in different ways, some embarrassed for being called out, others in full “how dare she” mode, and me: equal parts disdain for what felt like leadership missing a bigger point and quiet questioning of my relationship to the clothes I was wearing and other ways I tended to myself physically.
From the unfortunate, out-of-touch comment from my then-human-in-charge, stemmed a consideration for myself that I deeply needed, at a time when I had lost my self-care. And though my example comes from an abnormal time, I want to recognize that we’ll likely all have moments of “I cannot possibly dress myself this morning” or frustrating comments about our physical appearance from people who don't really have any right to say a thing. Because I know this to be true, my most powerful work around how we share our external selves with the world is honing in on what it means to me. Or in your case, what it means to you.
Though all the important internal stuff can’t exactly be styled, made up, or ironed out, I’ve started to put effort into my physical body as a way to signal: I’m going to take care of you. And let’s not get anything twisted. On occasion, I still wear my cute af sweatshirt to Zoom calls. Because that’s what taking care of me looks like, sometimes.
The way we choose to present our physical selves is an extension of who we are and what’s going on, on the inside. And in my case, I wanted to signal that I put myself first. I take care of me, so I can take care of business.
I don’t do any of this for a Zoom meeting, but I do feel confident showing up to one as a side effect. When I put effort or creativity into the physical, my inner vision becomes my outer vision and it reminds me that I get to build my own reality. Embracing my frizzy, lioness hair makes me feel powerful, getting my nails done makes me feel pretty and delighted, sliding on jeans increases my productivity, and sloshing my face with Ayurvedic oils for way too long is one of my favorite meditations. It’s just my rodeo! What’s yours?
In what ways do you adorn yourself that reflect your creativity, care, and personal expression? How might you do it more often?
Accessorize your heart out! Or don’t. 😉
Jade